TD Bank Caught Red-Handed… Laundering Money, But I thought Its Crypto?

Just when you thought the crypto world was the only place for shady financial dealings, along comes TD Bank, a pillar of traditional banking, to prove us all wrong. In a shocking twist of events, the 10th-largest bank in the US has been caught red-handed laundering millions of dollars for drug cartels. Yes, you read that right. A bank. Laundering money. Who would have thought? 🤨

TD Bank has been hit with a historic $3.1 billion fine for failing to stop money laundering. But wait—wasn’t crypto supposed to be the bad guy here? 🚨 Turns out, it’s not your favorite decentralized, traceable, and transparent blockchain tech helping drug cartels move their mountains of dirty cash—it’s good ol’ fashioned, brick-and-mortar banks. Who knew that when Pablo Escobar’s descendants needed to shuffle around hundreds of millions of dollars, they’d skip right past Bitcoin and waltz into TD Bank with bags of cash? 💼💰

Fines: The New “Cost of Doing Business” for Banks Like TD? 🤔

Let’s just take a moment to absorb this. TD Bank allowed over $670 million to be laundered by three networks. And they’re only now paying up a “measly” $3.1 billion. That’s a solid 5% of their entire market cap! 😱 But don’t worry, TD is really sorry. CEO Bharat Masrani himself apologized because nothing says “we’re sorry” quite like a carefully crafted PR statement written by lawyers. 👏

Oh, and they’ve now hired 700 new people to prevent it from happening again! Because apparently, the first few thousand employees just didn’t quite notice those piles of cartel cash slipping through. Oopsie! 🤷‍♂️

But this raises a question: If fines are just part of the game, why stop at $3.1 billion? Is this what accountability looks like in 2024? Does TD Bank just have a “Get Out of Jail Free” card sitting next to its stack of Monopoly money? 🤑

Banks like TD are proving once again that they’re great at a few things:

Fining themselves for their own incompetence.
Convincing us they’ll “do better next time.”
And, oh yes—laundering money better than the Mafia ever could! 🕵️‍♂️

Meanwhile, crypto’s over here taking the blame for every financial mishap like it’s some misunderstood, rebellious teenager. I mean, the very public ledger that tracks every transaction is a threat to world peace, right? 💀

But seriously—why is it that Bitcoin is under fire for its “risk of facilitating criminal activity,” while these traditional institutions are literally laundering billions for the worst kinds of criminals? Seems fair. 🧐

“Gift Cards and Cartels” – Sounds Like a Great Sitcom! 🎬

One of the best parts of this story (besides the $470 million in “mysterious” cash deposits): TD Bank employees allegedly got $57,000 worth of gift cards to help sweep these shady transactions under the rug. Because nothing says “stay quiet” like some prepaid Visa cards, right? Can we get a TV show on this? We’ll call it “Breaking Banks”—it’s got a nice ring to it. 🍿

Everything about this is *insane*

I won’t summarize it but to say TD bank – the 10th largest bank in the US – had NO AMLKYC for six years totaling $13.2 TRILLION in transacted funds.

I ain’t hearing shit about crypto, ever again. Ev-er.

Yall should make time and listen. pic.twitter.com/ogoR66rVvf
— Bryce (@BryceWeiner) October 11, 2024

A Thought for the Future: Is the Banking System the Real “Shadow Network”? 🕶️

Let’s face it—if a regulated bank can let this happen, what does that say about the rest of the financial system? Is crypto really the boogeyman here, or are the real monsters wearing suits and working in Wall Street offices?

We might want to ask ourselves: why do governments spend so much time and energy scrutinizing crypto when the traditional financial sector continues to be the perfect laundromat for cartels, terrorists, and Ponzi schemes? Is it because Bitcoin and its decentralized cousins are threatening the status quo? Or because crypto represents a level of transparency the banking elite would rather avoid? 🤷‍♀️

Let’s give credit where it’s due. The winners in this saga aren’t the regulators, the public, or TD Bank shareholders. It’s the drug cartels. They found the ultimate partner in crime—the banking industry—while the rest of us are left arguing about whether Bitcoin is a danger to society. 🏦💰

But hey, TD promises to get better, right? They’ll hire some more specialists, tick a few compliance boxes, and we’ll all go back to pretending like this time, they’ve really learned their lesson. And until then, the next time you hear someone blaming crypto for facilitating crime, maybe remind them who’s actually been running the game for decades. 🧐

Disclaimer: No banks were harmed in the writing of this article. But several billion dollars were lightly slapped with a fine they’ll probably write off in next year’s tax return. 💸

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Yona has no crypto positions and does not hold any crypto assets. This article is provided for informational purposes only and should not be construed as financial advice. The Shib Daily is an official media and publication of the Shiba Inu cryptocurrency project. Readers are encouraged to conduct their own research and consult with a qualified financial adviser before making any investment decisions.

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