Gushiken Yona
“Hodlers, Memers, and Degens Unite! 🐕🚀”
Welcome back to the latest edition of The Shib’s Weekly Meme Digest—your haven of memes, madness, and crypto news served with a healthy side of sarcasm. This isn’t your average yawn-inducing newsletter. Nope, like the fearless Shiba Inu in our logo, we’re your trusty guide in the otherwise chaotic world of crypto, blockchain, web3, and future tech. 🐕💼 We’re here to deliver the stories that actually matter—unfiltered, unpretentious, and unapologetically fun.
Why give you the usual boring “news” when we can mix in a few laughs and some meme-worthy commentary? 🤡 We won’t tarnish the name of the beloved Shiba Inu, so brace yourself for a light-hearted yet essential take on the biggest stories making waves in the crypto world. Because, let’s be real, crypto’s too wild to be taken too seriously. 😉
Crypto High Five: The Headlines You Didn’t Know You Needed to Read ✋
A surprise role reversal—Someone’s traded something orange for something unexpected in the crypto world… and it’s got everyone talking. 🧐
The month of doom?—There’s a famous curse tied to this time of year, but something pulled a vanishing act. 🤔 What’s really happening behind the scenes?
A financial giant and your assets—Is this age-old institution doing something new with your digital treasures? You might want to look twice. 🏦
A clock is ticking—Let’s just say someone threw down the gauntlet on speed, and now things might get a little dicey in crypto-ville. ⏳
A name you didn’t expect—Is there a familiar face looking to make waves in the blockchain? The motives are… well, you tell us. 👀
Read On, Degens! 🧠
Hit the scroll and get ready to learn more about the biggest stories in this week’s Crypto High Five. These aren’t your run-of-the-mill headlines; this is the real deal—sharp, funny, and just cryptic enough to keep you guessing. Stay curious, stay skeptical, and remember: in the world of crypto, not all that glitters is Bitcoin. 🌕✨
Happy reading, and may your memes be dank and your portfolios moon-bound! 🌝
#5 From Disgraced CEO to ‘Best Witness’: Ellison’s 2-Year Sentence and Crypto World’s ‘OH REALLY?’ Face
by: Malaya Ruiz
Former FTX CEO Caroline Ellison—now known as the “best witness” in courtrooms—just received a two-year vacation in the slammer for her starring role in the collapse of the fallen cryptocurrency exchange. 🚓⛓️💥 As you probably know, her job description apparently included misleading investors and practicing a little financial gymnastics with customer cash. 💸
But there is a lot to unpack in this sentencing decision. Let’s start with how a good chunk of the crypto community thinks she got off too easy! 😤 Plus, the judge called the woman of the hour the “best witness.”
Hmm… let’s just say they wonder why she didn’t get more of a “room with a view” for her part in the FTX circus. 🤡
And how about that Ryan Salame, the former co-CEO of FTX Digital Markets? That guy really knows how to stir the pot! He boldly declared that it was Ellison, not Sam Bankman-Fried (SBF), who called the shots on those political contributions. 😲 He also lambasted the justice system for how Ellison’s trial played out, quipping that he “should have stolen everyone’s money so I could go to jail for substantially less time.” Apparently, that’s the faster route to a shorter jail sentence! ☠️
As one of the many critics of the outcome of Ellison’s trial, he just said what the majority is actually thinking. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. 🤐
Crypto Community Cries Foul Over Ellison’s Short Sentence and Judge’s ‘Best Witness’ Remark
The consensus in the crypto universe is that 24 months is too lenient for her offenses regardless of her level of cooperation. 🤨
Someone commented on Reddit that they, referring to SBF and his friends—definitely including his ex-lover Caroline—were basically running a $32-billion moonlight magic show. 💰🤡 Meanwhile, she’s going to spend a couple of years in a fancy white-collar resort-colored prison, where she’ll probably charm the guards and end up with a get-out-of-jail-early card! 😕 After that, she’ll be sipping piña coladas in some secret hideaway with her billions tucked away. 🍸🏖️
Others have a different interpretation of how Judge Lewis Kaplan labeled Ellison as “one of the best prosecution witnesses he’s seen in 30 years on the bench.” 🤪
Life After FTX: Ellison’s Mother Gives Us the Inside Scoop
It seems Ellison has kept busy these past two years while waiting for her sentence. Her mother, Sara Fisher Ellison, wrote a letter to the judge, asking for a bit of mercy for her daughter. Now we wonder: did this letter somehow tug at the judge’s heartstrings? 🥺
Anyway, her mother said Ellison has been working on a delightful little novella. All set in Edwardian England, it is based on her sister fictional romantic escapades. 💋 And now, apparently, there’s another novel in the works!
Ellison’s mother said, “Caroline is a very talented writer.” I mean, if she wrote down everything she told the judge that made him feel soft inside—hence the easygoing sentence—her mom’s probably right. Mother knows best, am I right? 😁
Mrs. Ellison also said her daughter had been moonlighting as an ESL teacher on top of the steamy writing. She insists Caroline genuinely cares about the people she’s helping with her teaching. 🤔 Well, we can’t judge the motherly love, but we kind of doubt stealing billions from people qualifies as caring about people. 😑
But what do you think? 🧐
Best Witness or Best Snitch? Or Neither?
💭 In light of the lenient two-year sentence, what does this suggest about the perceived consequences of white-collar crime in the financial and cryptocurrency sectors?
💭 What are the implications of the judge’s comment about Ellison being the “best witness” for the broader justice system, particularly regarding the role of cooperation in sentencing outcomes for major crypto scandals?
💭 Ryan Salame’s comments imply that some individuals may view the legal system as favoring those who are willing to betray others for their own gain. How does this perception influence trust within the cryptocurrency community? Or is he wrong for thinking this way because they’re all guilty anyway?
💭 Considering how Ellison’s mother seems to be painting her daughter in a different light, owing to the latter’s personal endeavors in writing and teaching, how should society balance rehabilitation and accountability in cases involving financial misconduct where significant harm was done to others?
A Flashback: Ellison’s Intrusive Thoughts
In addition, I think her mother forgot a notable quirk of Caroline’s that has resurfaced recently due to all this chaos. 🤭 Before you leave, here’s one for the road you might want to binge on. Warning about this X thread: if this is Caroline’s idea of romance, her saucy novella could give 50 Shades of Grey a run for its money! 😂
🚨 THROWBACK: On the day of Caroline Ellison of FTX infamy’s sentencing, let’s revisit some all time Caroline bangers.
— Autism Capital 🧩 (@AutismCapital) September 24, 2024
Here she is realizing Adderall gives her superpowers. pic.twitter.com/kJ1huwKjQR
Disclaimer: After consuming this content, you might be inclined to go down the FTX rabbit hole if this is the first time you’re finding out about it! Or, if you’ve been keeping up to date, you might discover surprising details you didn’t know about before. Regardless, if you’re one of the victims that FTX has left in the lurch, you can charge this nightmare to experience and make informed decisions about crypto exchanges going forward!
#4 Bitcoin Breaks the September Curse: From Slump to Surge in 2024
September, historically the “pumpkin spice of pain” for Bitcoin holders, has decided to throw everyone a curveball this year. Instead of the usual slump that makes traders weep into their keyboards, Bitcoin has surged past $65,000 in a dramatic reversal of its dreaded September curse. 😱📈
For those of you new to the Bitcoin rollercoaster, let’s get one thing straight: September is supposed to be Bitcoin’s worst month. From 2010 to 2023, Bitcoin has seen an average drop of 4.48% in September, making it the month when even the most die-hard HODLers hide under their blankets. But, 2024? Oh no, this year, Bitcoin is doing its best Superman impression, flying higher than anyone expected.
The Bitcoin “September Curse”—Shattered! 💥
In the past, September was like that one friend who always brings bad vibes to the party. Historically, it’s been a month of doom and gloom for Bitcoin. Think red candles, crushed dreams, and lots of “Why didn’t I sell earlier?” regrets. But this September, Bitcoin has left traders scratching their heads and refreshing their screens in disbelief as it rockets upward like it just remembered it’s supposed to head to the moon. 🚀🌕
As we near the end of the month, Bitcoin is hovering around $65K, with some analysts predicting even more gains. The “Coinbase Premium,” an indicator of U.S. buying pressure, has been climbing higher than a DeFi yield farmer on a Red Bull binge, fueling the surge.
ETF Inflows to the Rescue 📥
Part of the reason behind Bitcoin’s Cinderella moment is the massive inflows into Bitcoin ETFs (Exchange-Traded Funds). Big names like BlackRock and ARK 21Shares have been hoovering up Bitcoin like it’s the last pack of toilet paper during a pandemic. Net inflows reached over $1 billion in just a week, showing that institutional investors are going all-in on crypto
Meme It: The Bitcoin vs. September Showdown 🥊
Now, for the fun part: the memes! Picture this—Bitcoin as a boxer, gloves on, squaring up against a looming September cloud, ready to knock it out cold. Or a classic “This is Fine” meme, where instead of flames, the backdrop is filled with bullish Bitcoin charts, and traders are calmly sipping their coffee, unsure if this rally is real or just some Matrix-level glitch.
Alternatively, how about the Distracted Boyfriend meme? Bitcoin, our distracted boyfriend, has ditched its usual September dumps for the shiny allure of ETF inflows, while the bears in the background wonder where it all went wrong.
Will October Bring Even More Gains? 🎃
Historically, October has been kinder to Bitcoin, with an average return of +22.9%. So, if this September surge is any indication, we could be looking at an even wilder ride next month. The crypto sphere is buzzing with excitement and speculation—can Bitcoin maintain this momentum? Or will it stumble, leaving us with memes of traders crying into their portfolios once again? Time will tell!
For now, let’s enjoy the ride. Grab your popcorn, refresh your portfolio, and start crafting those memes. It’s going to be a bullish fall! 🍁
Disclaimer: Before you get too HODL-happy, remember this is not financial advice—just a meme-fueled joyride through crypto chaos. 🚀 We’re here for the lols, not for your portfolios. If you make life-altering decisions based on a joke, well… may the crypto gods be with you. Do your own research, consult a professional, or maybe just ask that friend who always says “sell the top.” 😎
#3 Kamala Harris Wants America to Dominate Blockchain—Is She Mining for Votes or Bitcoin?
by: Gairika Mitra
Hello hello, you beautiful people! What’s cooking? Brace up for yet another fun-filled crypto news! 😄
As the world increasingly turns its attention to blockchain technology and cryptocurrency, Vice President Kamala Harris is positioning herself as a champion for American dominance in this burgeoning field. 🫣
With her recent remarks on the importance of blockchain, it’s hard not to wonder whether she’s genuinely interested in fostering innovation. Or merely trying to capitalize on a political trend that could translate into votes—and perhaps even crypto donations.😯
Well, well, of course, Harris is capitalizing on the fact that the U.S. elections is just knocking at the doors!
In a statement that feels almost choreographed to coincide with the increasing adoption of digital currencies, Harris has emphasized the need for the U.S. to lead the charge in blockchain development.🥹
This push aligns with a broader narrative that some see as a digital arms race. This is where countries compete for supremacy not with missiles but with meme coins, NFTs, and decentralized finance protocols. If this is indeed a race, the stakes are high: economic power, and technological leadership. And, perhaps most importantly, voter allegiance in the upcoming elections.😀
The timing of Harris’s comments is particularly telling. The cryptocurrency market making headlines through the meteoric rise of meme coins like Dogecoin or the controversial nature of NFTs. Even politicians are keenly aware of the electoral potential inherent in appealing to tech-savvy voters and investors. The question arises: has Harris finally recognized that to win over a portion of the electorate, especially younger voters who are increasingly involved in crypto, she must tread the same path as Donald Trump, who has often dabbled in the crypto conversation albeit from a different angle?😛
Navigating the Regulatory Landscape: Will Harris Challenge the Status Quo on Crypto?
However, it’s not just about capturing votes; it’s also about what Harris intends to do about the regulatory landscape surrounding cryptocurrency. The current head of the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), Gary Gensler, has often taken a cautious stance on crypto regulation. He has pushed for stringent oversight to protect investors!🙂 Should Harris secure her position as a frontrunner for the presidency, would she consider making moves against Gensler. Would she potentially usher in a new era of crypto regulation that favors innovation over caution?🙄
If Harris were to make such a bold move, one name that often comes up in discussions of reforming the SEC is billionaire investor Mark Cuban. Known for his savvy investments and outspoken support for blockchain technology, Cuban could be a potential ally. He could even be a formidable adversary in this digital landscape. Would Harris turn to someone like Cuban for advice, or perhaps even appoint him to a regulatory role? The implications of such decisions could dramatically reshape the future of cryptocurrency in America.🤔
Yet, while the allure of blockchain and crypto innovation is enticing, it’s crucial to recognize that political motives can often overshadow genuine interest in technological advancement. Harris’s emphasis on American dominance in blockchain might be a calculated effort to position herself as a forward-thinking leader, eager to embrace the future. However, the underlying goal of securing votes—and possibly funding—through this digital narrative raises eyebrows.🤨🤨
Hold on! Before you get serious, please note that this article is just to add some humor to your lives, we know how busy you folks are! Do not make any investment decisions based on this one, please! 😛
#2 BNY Mellon to Hold Your Crypto? Trust Me, Bro! (Said No One Ever) 🏦😂
Cue dramatic music 🥁
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, hodlers and paper hands alike, prepare to be wowed. BNY Mellon, the financial institution that’s about as exciting as watching paint dry, has just dropped a bombshell: they’re offering crypto custody services! 🤯
Cue gasps of disbelief
That’s right, folks. The same BNY Mellon that’s probably as old as your grandma’s favorite rocking chair is now dipping its toes into the wild and wacky world of crypto. It’s like seeing your favorite grandma trying to TikTok dance – unexpected and a little bit cringeworthy. 😂 Because, you know, what could possibly go wrong when the institution that brought you the 2008 financial crisis decides to handle your magic internet money? 🤡
Remember that whole “decentralization” thing that crypto was supposed to be all about? Yeah, well, maybe forget about that for a second. Because when institutions like BNY Mellon enter the crypto custody game, it kinda feels like we’re just recreating the same centralized financial system we were trying to escape. 🤔 Is this the future of crypto? Big banks holding all the keys while we all just, like, trust them? (Narrator: They shouldn’t.)
The SEC seems to be playing favorites, giving BNY Mellon a regulatory hall pass while smaller players struggle to navigate the bureaucratic maze. Is this fair? Is it fostering innovation? Or is it just another example of the “too big to fail” mentality creeping into the crypto space? 🤨
But let’s be real, this move is huge. It’s like a traditional bank admitting that maybe, just maybe, there’s something to this whole crypto thing after all. It’s like a vampire admitting they actually enjoy garlic bread. 🧛♂️🧄 Or a cat admitting they actually enjoy baths. 😹🛁
However, the crypto world has a bit of a security problem. Hacks, scams, rug pulls – it’s a jungle out there. So, are we really supposed to feel comfortable handing over our precious digital assets to a bank that’s been around for centuries but might not be as agile as a nimble DeFi protocol when it comes to cybersecurity? 😬
Some crypto purists are having an existential crisis. They see the entry of big banks like BNY Mellon into the crypto space as a betrayal of the core principles of financial freedom and autonomy that crypto was supposed to champion. Is this the beginning of the end for the decentralized dream? Or can crypto and traditional finance somehow coexist without one consuming the other? 🤯
So, what does this mean for you, the average crypto enthusiast? Well, for starters, it could mean more legitimacy for crypto. If a stuffy old bank like BNY Mellon is getting into the game, maybe it’s not just a fad after all. But let’s be honest, it also raises some eyebrows. Is this the beginning of the end for decentralization? Are we about to see crypto get sucked into the same black hole that traditional finance has been stuck in for centuries? 🤔
And let’s not forget about the regulatory implications. BNY Mellon managed to get a green light from the SEC, but what about the rest of us? Are we going to see a flood of new regulations that make it even harder to hodl our favorite coins? 👮♂️🚫
So, what do you think, folks? Is this a win for crypto, or is it a Trojan horse disguised as a friendly giant? Let’s discuss in the comments below. 💬
Disclaimer: This article was written with a tongue planted firmly in cheek. BNY Mellon may not actually be vampires (probably), but trusting old banks with your new digital assets should still be done with caution. 🌚
#1 BlackRock Roasts Coinbase Potato Servers With 12-Hour Withdrawal Proposal🥔
BlackRock, the Wall Street titan testing the crypto waters with its pinky toe, has suddenly decided to cannonball into the deep end with Coinbase.
They’ve filed an amendment for their Bitcoin ETF, demanding that Coinbase, the ETF’s custodian, process Bitcoin withdrawals within a brisk 12 hours. Because apparently, in the lightning-fast world of high finance, waiting longer than half a day to access your digital gold is roughly equivalent to sending a carrier pigeon. 🐌 Especially when you’re dealing with Coinbase, an exchange whose servers apparently run on a combination of hamster wheels and hopes and dreams – and those hamsters take very frequent naps.
Transparency or Coinbase Control? The Plot Thickens (and Smells a Bit Like Burnt Silicon) 🕵️♀️
On the surface, BlackRock’s move looks like a valiant champion for transparency and investor protection. After all, who wants their Bitcoin gathering dust in Coinbase’s digital vaults while they figure out if they’ve actually got the Bitcoin to cover withdrawals? But let’s be real, folks. Is BlackRock really that altruistic? 🤔 Or is this a subtle power play, a way to flex their institutional muscles and exert more control over the Bitcoin market? Maybe they just want to make sure their Bitcoin isn’t propping up Coinbase’s questionable meme stock portfolio. Just sayin’. (Insert meme of a suspicious-looking Shiba Inu eyeing a pile of Dogecoins).
Coinbase: Caught in the Crosshairs (and Probably Down for Maintenance…Again) 🎯
Coinbase, the custodian for a menagerie of Bitcoin and Ether ETFs, is now sweating more than a Bitcoin miner in a heatwave. The crypto community, armed with pitchforks, memes, and a healthy dose of skepticism, has long suspected Coinbase of playing fast and loose with custodial practices. And let’s not forget Coinbase’s infamous reputation for spontaneous combustion whenever Bitcoin decides to do anything interesting. One minute you’re riding the bull wave, the next you’re staring at a “502 Bad Gateway” error while your portfolio (theoretically) moons. 🚀📉 This demand for faster withdrawals could be seen as a direct shot at Coinbase’s downtime woes. Is BlackRock subtly saying, “Fix your potato servers, or we’re taking our Bitcoin and going home”?
Are they really settling all those ETF transactions on-chain like they claim? Or are they engaging in some shady fractional reserve shenanigans, hoping nobody notices? 🤨 BlackRock’s 12-hour ultimatum might just force Coinbase to show their hand (and maybe invest in some server infrastructure that can handle more than three users at a time). Perhaps BlackRock should send Coinbase a fruit basket filled with working servers. It’s the thought that counts, right? (Insert meme of a fruit basket overflowing with high-end servers and a single, forlorn potato).
Decentralization: RIP? More Like DOA. 🪦
Remember that utopian dream of a decentralized financial system, free from the iron grip of Wall Street? Pepperidge Farm remembers. (Insert Pepperidge Farm meme). But with institutional giants like BlackRock stomping onto the crypto playground, that dream is fading faster than a Bitcoin bull run in a bear market. 😭 Is institutional adoption a necessary evil for crypto’s survival? Or is it a Trojan horse that will ultimately lead to its centralized demise?
Stay Woke, Crypto Fam! (And Maybe Invest in Some Backup Generators) ✊
BlackRock’s 12-hour withdrawal demand is a spicy development in the ongoing saga of institutional crypto adoption. It raises important questions about transparency, control, and the future of decentralization. As always, it’s crucial to stay informed, think critically, and remember that in the Wild West of crypto, not all that glitters is gold (or Bitcoin). And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to start looking for alternatives to exchanges that fold faster than a cheap lawn chair when things get exciting.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. Investing in crypto is like playing a game of roulette with your rent money. Don’t blame us if you end up living under a bridge. (But if you do, at least the Wi-Fi is usually decent under there.)
Bitcoin hits 66K pic.twitter.com/4AYUS2b41Y
— naiive (@naiivememe) September 28, 2024
The #Shib Boys ATM. #ShibArmy pic.twitter.com/3sNsqn6WGE
— dhel*SHIB l SHIB.io 🐕💨 (@dhelSHIB) September 26, 2024
“Well, That’s a Wrap, Hodlers!” 🎬🐕💨
Well, folks, that’s it—it’s a wrap for this week’s Weekly Meme Digest! We hope you enjoyed the ride through crypto chaos, meme-worthy madness, and eyebrow-raising headlines. If you’re still here, congrats—because according to our highly scientific data (yes, some brave soul dared to call us scientists), most of you are rocking IQs well above average. 🎓 So if you made it this far, pat yourself on the back—you’re clearly among the intellectual elite. 🧠
But wait, before you rush off to refresh Coinbase (again), here’s a thought-provoking question for you: Is decentralization truly alive, or are we just pawns in the institutional chessboard? 🤔 Are you ready for BlackRock to serve you Bitcoin on a platter, or would you prefer to HODL in peace? These are the questions we leave with you as we part ways for now. Reflect, meme, and repeat. 🎢
See You Next Weekend!
Fear not, for we shall return next week with another edition of the Weekly Meme Digest—your trusty guide through the maze of crypto, blockchain, and everything in between. Until then, stay sharp, stay skeptical, and most importantly, keep the memes rolling. 💪
And hey, while you’re waiting, don’t forget to follow The Shib Daily on all your favorite platforms. You know, because we know you need your daily fix of top-tier crypto shenanigans:
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Thanks for sticking with us, degens! 🚀 Until next time, may your portfolios be moon-bound and your memes forever dank. 🌕
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Yona has no crypto positions and does not hold any crypto assets. This article is provided for informational purposes only and should not be construed as financial advice. The Shib Daily is an official media and publication of the Shiba Inu cryptocurrency project. Readers are encouraged to conduct their own research and consult with a qualified financial adviser before making any investment decisions.
